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Shadow work

 Unless pushed, I stay in comfort zone

- Forces need to attack me 

- Else I will fit my pillow comfortably and lay down to sleep

 

This leads me into action and thinking

I have two problems

  1. Dealing with my shadow at work, which I cannot escape. I must find peace within myself for these shadows.
  2. To escape this never-ending loop of endless job seeking and frustration; I need to open my business and dictate my own rules and hire my own personnel.

 

My shadows at work

  • Stubbornness
    • Everyone in my team is stubborn in different aspects. I feel like I am odd one and they cannot comprehend and neither understand my approach.
    • I am finding this in most people. At work, home, Toastmasters, "friends". I seem to have a different opinion then everyone. 
  • Different opinions that never align 
  • Manipulation
    • My sensory system is on high alert
    • Reaction is quick and snappy
    • Zero tolerance 
    • Fierce
    • High heartbeat
    • Frustration
  • Shadow of fear
    • Quickly annoyed by people's fear that I have already overcome
    • Paralysed / procrastinate to do the work for my own business
    • Never start my speech, training for citations, train tickets
    • Fear of giving up too early being a quitter
    • Fear of bowing my head down and do what I am asked to do, when I do not agree 
    • Annoyed by the fear of others when they fear exposure while I am continuously being exposed. Maybe ego.
    • Snapping with contradiction
    • Fear of letting go and obey maybe stubborn / paralyzed / not functioning / slow  

        

Conclusion

Are we fighting our ego?

As usual I need to be the one bowing my head down

Can I let go when I sense manipulation and see it for what it is?

Do I have to highlight every sense of manipulation I get thrown to my face?

Can I let it go?

Can I see it for what it is?

Can I keep my heart stabilized?

Can I hold my composure?

Maybe I ask, “you enjoy triggering me, right?”

Was he triggered/annoyed because we ignored him sitting there? After he came in the morning and I asked him and Kenneth to step out? We hurt his ego.

 

My points

He asked me for a data warehouse, why can’t he just let me do it?

He said that I am the engineering team lead. Why can’t he trust me with using the engineers to deliver the final product?

 

Lack of trust

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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